no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
