Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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