Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Ladies don't puke and tell
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
