goodnight i made you a song goodbye
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
