i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
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