Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
