wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
