She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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