Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
