my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
