This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
