did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I think a kid would responsible me up
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
