Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
