Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
