When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
