OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
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