sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
