i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
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