Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
