If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
