Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
