I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
