Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
