It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
