Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
