he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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