Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
