We're like a lot better than the average bears
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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