you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
COCAINE IS GR8
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
