Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
