I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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