I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
