Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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