I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
