Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
