if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
