Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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