We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
