he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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