I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
