I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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