Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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