Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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