Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
