This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
