we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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