Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
