Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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