you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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