can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
