i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
