and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
