My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
