I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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