Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
