Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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