Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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