His pubic hair was longer than his dick
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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