You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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