I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
