either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
