Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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