he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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