i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
