first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
